Hello gaiss. Good day! Just wanna story something again here. Well, as i am writing here, i already in a serious relationship with Man. Then we did discuss life after marriage as we both LDR, not in the same place.
Before this, i never thought that i'll be a married woman. Never cross in my mind. I already plan few rumah orang tua to stay in later when i old. I plan everything nicely. I'll be a nice aunty that will provide anything for my anak sedara. And mana tahu suddenly Man come into my life and ask for marriage. Not just marriage, as a housewife also. He ask me to stay at PD with him, stay at home, take care of the house and kids.
And i was like o.O I never thought i'll be married. Never thought i'll be a housewife. Never. It never cross in my plan before. And when it happen, i broke down. Because this is not what i plan to be in my future. What will happen to me? I never look down on housewife yaa, dont get me wrong. It just me, i cannot imagine i'm being a housewife.
I'm not from a rich family. So every time i want something, i need to work for it. Then my dad sent me further study to get better job so that i can get what i want. I'm loving my life at this moment. I can get what i want. I can eat what i want. No one will bother me. But, out of sudden, i'll be housewife. With no income. My lifestyle quite lavish. I spent whatever i want. I can travel every year or anytime i want. But if i get married, impossible i can get what i always do now. I need to sacrifice myself. I need to downgrade myself. I need to go back to zero. I dont know whether i still can do the same after marriage.
It really got me like crazy. I donno what to do. I havent talk with my parent yet. But, his family suggest me to be housewife. But they say, benda boleh discuss. Bukannya nak paksa aku terus jadi housewife. But, i felt very sad. No one can understand what i feel inside. Mostly, they say whats wrong being housewife. Well, nothing wrong with it. It just me! I need to sacrifice everything! Everything! You know how much i love stayin in KL. Then, i need to move to PD which got nothing! I love shopping, then since im not working, how can i shopping? I love holiday and travelling. Then can i travelling?
After i know Man's life, for sure i wont able to ask more since his mom dont have better life and she struggling to earn and living the family. So, it burden me more. You know how frustrated i am. Please lah somebody comfort me. I am really sad. I dont know with whom should i talk to. But, i am really frustrated, sad and speechless. I want to talk with someone, but i dont want to aibkan his side. You know what i mean. I am at the end of the alley, and got two junction and donno which path should i take. Should i let him go, and stay like this forever. Or living new way of life, maybe at the end there will be something that worth my sacrifice. I dont know what to do anymore.
As for now, i still can dodge that question. But, donno for how long. We'll just see. I need to talk with my parent first. Since they are the one who spent every penny, sweat and tears to raise me like how i am now. Then, just wait till the moment i can discuss with my parent lah. Till then, i just no need to think so much. Kan? GG. Hahahah.
Things to Ponder