Yesterday mark one year our relationship and no one wish anything. I'm expecting some wish or surprise from him but jokes on me. Silly me having high expectation. Maybe he thought our anniversary is on different date. Donno.
As time goes by right, I keep questioning myself. Am I doing the right decision? You know how much I regretting my decision. Does my tears berbaloi for all this? I've used to be pampered by guy. All the guy I meet before him always pamper me by their affection. Always make me felt loved and assure me they like me. But in Man's case he's like robot. I need to tell him what I want what I need etc. If feels like I'm begging for his attention and affection.
Somemore, recently Piyok and Iszman just getting engaged. Hahahahahaha lil bit hurt deep down my heart. They met their partner kejap than me. But they are going to next step. Iszman really treat me like a queen. If not because his age, I will accept him. I almost swing because of how he treat me. I felt loved. Then i ditch him and pick Man because Man is older than me and he is left handed. How silly my decision right?
they have found their happiness. While me still despair with Man. I never cry because of guy before. But Man make me cry almost everyday! I felt like not worth at all. I've been in cloud nine before, but now I'm faking my happiness. If to conclude right, I can tell you I cannot recall my happiest moment with Man. Man is a good guy, but donno lah. Maybe I'm soooo used to be pampered before and Man acting contra from I used to be really make me want to end the relationship.
Now I understand why other couple stay eventho they keep crying. Before this I thought, they fool for staying but naahh. Now I learnt my lesson in a hard way.
I'm choosing this big decision because everyone saying Man is a good guy. My mom also like him and keep ask for his help. So, I choose him for the sake of my mom. I plan to be andartu, and I change my plan because of him. He better treat me right. Make sure all my tears worth the sacrifice.
Bayangkan after we get into relationship, he started his training for 10 months. Then after the training finished, he's busy with the promotion stuff. He better treat me right after all this settle eh. I felt jealous when I saw other couple feeling loved with their partner. Going out dating. Feel lovey dovey, while me crying my eyes out because he got no time for me. Nak story pape, boipreng takde masa nak dengar. Nak keluar lepak, boipreng busy jadi bangla jadian. Takde function pun aku in relationship. Takda beza pun aku single dulu dengan ada boipreng sekarang ni, Bila cakap kat Man kang, dia terasa. But the reality is like that. Dia kena terima lah, eventho very pain to swallow.
I'll just wait till end of this year whether my sacrifice worth or not. I'm tired actually. But I need to fake myself. What a pitiful life I have. Congratulation Jannah!
Things to Ponder