Hello. It's been a while!
I just really need to say something. But, i donno with whom should i let it out. My best friend just get married last two weeks. And i really at my bottom that day coz when the thought that i have nobody to lepak, to gosip and anything hit me, i cried. Even during the night before his solemnization, pun aku sempat nangis. I'm happy for him. But sad that he will not be there when i need him after this.
Anyway, i dont have that feeling like what you may have in mind now. Hahahah. i'm not being friendzone or been rejected! I selesa as friend only lol. We've been friend since form 3 until now. Then he know everything about me and i comfortable to do anything around him. I cannot have that feeling towards him since i'm too comfy as his bestfriend. And i dont want to be beyond that.
The thing is, i dont want to get married. Yes, you read it right. By this time, Nov 2018 (24 years old) i dont really think that i will get married. I already told my parent, my family, my friends that i willing to be andartu. I have no offence if one day, it will happen. I prepare myself already.
I used to do everything alone. Then, i dont see any purpose for me to get married. I'm making myself indipendent. Doing everything by my own. Actually, i scared to have someone enter my life. Scared whether he can understand and accept me for who i am. Yes, they will say yes at first place. But, as the time goes by, everything seem predictable. Hahahah but i'm okay because i already predict the ending
Next month my dad will go Umrah. And my mom asked him to pray for me to lembutkan hati aku untuk terima orang since i really resistant to be andartu. Hahahhaha. As for now, i prefer go with the flow.
This two guys i've been contact with. Aku rasa jahat gila. After done otp with A, then video call dengan lagi sorang pulak Hahahahhahaha. But tu lah. Tak tahu nak kata. Just go with the flow la. The fun part is, both have the same name, Man. Hahahhah one younger than me and the other one is older than me. Blurghhh. Of coz lah i choose older one. But, the younger one sometimes can make me sway.
Blerghh. I hate this feeling. Just let it be lah. We'll see how long they can stand with me. Anyway, have a nice day :)
Hati | Feeling