Confuse


Hello guys! Here am i again. Ranting about my feeling as usual. Hmmm yesterday (22nd April 2020) i block Man on whatsapp because he cabar me hahahhaha. Yesterday i keep doing whatever he cabar me to. And i dont know why yesterday he a bit different. He didnt tell me how his day like he always did before. But he say i'm the one who act differently. 

Hahahha yaaa in a way. I send him voice note saying i miss him coz he request that and the way he laughed after that like he damn happy hahaha. And i keep on end call coz he thought i dont dare to do that. He said 'before this yes lah berani. But now mesti tak berani'. Then i call off the call. Then he text me saying he merajuk, then in short while i call him back saying i'm having fun doing this. Which is not in my norm that i will act like that before k. Maybe i'm showing him sign that i like him(?) i dont know.

So after i block him, today he message me Ramadhan wish and i did reply. BUT he didnt reply me yet ðŸ˜ž How dare he didnt reply me? Now i felt sad. It's okay, see tonight he call me or not. If he's not calling me than i know lah where's my level ðŸ˜’ 

Actually, i also wanna check what is my feeling actually. I dont know whether i'm lonely and i layan him to cover my boredom OR i already start to like him. How can i differentiate those two? I dont know. Did i like him? Can i accept him? He say need to try to figure out whether both compatible or not. But, i scared let say we're not compatible but i feel attached to him d. So how? I scared to be heart broken again and again and again. Tired lah

So, at the end dont know lah. My plan see whether how long should i block him. Did i feel something. If i feel something, then i just confess to him je lah. But, did he felt the same way? Scared lah. All this while, yes his way seems like that. But who know, boy always be boy. He treat all equally. Hmmmm what happen leh. I dont know anymore. Bencilah nak kena fikir macam ni.

Tired d. Before this i already firm with my decision that i wanna be andartu. But, people keep coming try to prove me wrong then make me shaking like that, then ghost~ Shit lahh. Penat tahu! Ya Allah, help me. I pray again this time like how i pray before for Fizal and Amsyar. And i will patiently waiting for the result. And i need to be ready for whatever outcome that will lay in front of me. Ya Allah, give me some mercy. Please ease my mind. 

Thank you for your time :)

Bunga-Bunga


Last night i dont know why out of sudden Fizal text me?!?! Yaaa, aku lah kot salahnya. Aku saje je dok tegur dia kat telegram. Ingat habis situ je lah. Then aku ada lah like video post dia. Its just normal thing right? But Man said, sometimes even like post means something for someone. We never know kan.

Since RMO ni, almost every night akan on the phone dengan Man. Man kata dia call sebab senang dia nak lena. My voice as his lullaby. At first, bit mad lah. Kita nak sembang, tapi dia nak tidur tapi tak bagi letak until dia bebetul tak reply. Duhh! But, lelama tu macam hmm okay je lahh. Redha je lah kena tinggal sokmo.

This week he like missing his ex-fiancee coz he told me one video that he watched before about this guy prank his gf. Then he said his ex-fiance also like that girl. Cheating behind him & he scared because of his ex, he cannot act like he behave before. Kesian dekat orang yang pernah disakiti ni hikhikhik.

Okay, back to Fizal text me yesterday night at 02:30 am k! Early morning he text me for what? Ikut hati, i really wanna reply him back. I tell you i really wanna reply him. I kinda longing for him. Then i saw his DP (photo of him and his wife smiling happily). So i abort my mission and just bluetick him. But still keep checking on that message ðŸ˜” But i manage to resist all the tempation. Bravo for me!

Fizal text me right after i finish on the phone with Man. Then pop up his name on my notification. I doubt my eye at first. Im happy for a while but confuse at the same time. Then i straight away call Man again even tho i know he sleep oredi. But, he pick up my call hehehehehe then i told him those thing. Then he say no need to end call just left it there until morning. In case if Fizal wanna call me, he couldnt get it thru since i still on call huhuhuhuhuh. His small gesture moved me a bit terharu taw ittew. Nyampah lah kat Man ni. But i do hope Fizal call me jugak coz i miss his voice. K thats rude! Sorry. Told Man impossible he will call me at that hour. Wife dia ada kot. Gila apa. But he insist nak stay on the phone je. Kesian kat dia. Aku dok layan drama. Kekadang ada lah bebel lah marah lah gelak la. Dia tidur mesti tak lena dok dengar bunyi macam-macam tu. Kekadang dia nyampuk lah sikit. Dah habis layan dram nak letak gak, tetiba dia nyampuk kata biar je, nanti dia bangun sahur dia letak. At least dia boleh teman aku sampai aku tidur since all this while i always kata dia tinggal aku. So today dia nak teman till i tidur. But, i end up end the call accidently hahahahaha. The end.

By the way, i call Man balik sebab i know he cuti tomorrow k. He just finished his 24 hours duty. Tu yang i call balik even rasa guilty kacau dia but i need to let him know this story. Malam tadi first time dia tidur tak lena hahahahaha. Tu pagi tadi dia call me back coz he wanna sleep. So after he listen to my voice, then he go back sleep. Kinda weird feeling, but sokay laa. Already get used to it.

So conclusionnya, will Fizal text me again today? Hmm. I dont mind if he wanna have a normal chit chat. Text me at normal hour, not like 1 or 2 am. Gila apa! Dont make me like mistress. I'm not that low. If you approach me correctly, i will respond. I hate that you think me that low. So sad, coz you're someone that i used to adore. But, this is how the ending for us looks like.

Thank you for your time :)

Hehehehe


I dah berbunga-bunga dengan Man ni. Aku dah suka dia ke? Hmmm Every night mesti on the phone. Ke sebab macam hmm layan je lah since he's the only one yang aku ada? Tapi dia pun tak berani nak move next step. Dia tunggu aku cakap. Tapi, aku tak berani nak move forward.

Tapi aku takut jugak in case he's gone canee? Sedih lah hidup aku. Asyik kena dumped je. Sob sob sob hahahahahaha. Tapi aku tak berani nak buat keputusan besar ni. Let say our path tak cross, cane? Sedih laa. 

Basically, kitorang ni dok main tarik-tarik tali hahahahah. Man pun kata nak kenal-kenal dulu. So kami in learning process lah. Let see after RMO ni cane. Maybe time raya, nak ajak dia datang rumah jumpa family. Kalau lah time raya nanti RMO ni dah settle.

Tapi donno lah. Kalau lah dia nak kan. Dia pun macam takut-takut hahhahaha. Okay lah. Nak cerita tu je sebab i tengah berbunga sebab dia. Haihhh, nyampah taww lol
Thank you for your time :)
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