Next Step

 

Hello everyone! I am good here. Finally after so long, I now have boyfriend hahahahahaha. For record kan, this is my second boyfriend after my high school boyfriend 😂 Along the way, i did know few people and well~ Funny thing is i dont even know how i can give in & surrender like this? This is so not me! It's whether i'm tired d or he's a nice/ good boy that i cannot lose him. Or maybe i want to take advantage of him? Urghh, i dont even know the reason. Well, the damage has been done so just go with the flow lah kan.

December is Man's birthday. And i did asked him what he want for his birthday and i did regret for asking that question lol. 

Me: Man nak hadiah apa?
Him: takpe lah. Apa yang Man nak ni, Man yang nak.
Me: nak apa? Kalau Garmin, jannah tak mampu nak bagi lagi huhuhu. Support half can lah
Him: Man nak tunang. Boleh tak?

Tergamam sekejap kita dengar soalan tu. And it went by like that~ His dad said after he finished kursus, will talk about this. Lucky dia kursus 9 bulan. Lambat lagi lah kita mikior hal ni ye 😂 But, saya tak ready lagi. Jannah kecik lagi. Apa ni nak suruh jannah kahwin pulak 😑

Dah lah dia asyik busy je. Tak pernah umur ya, aku menangis hal remeh. Hari tu aku menangis sebab Man ignore aku sebab dia busy sangat! That's the thing. He say, i should proud he's important man in his office. But, no. I hate it! He has no time for me. Keep doing work and dont even have time when i sad, bored etc. I did felt no different like i'm used to be before when i'm single. Indeed, really generous with his feeling.

We havent discuss further about this. But seems like he macam nak PJJ. Urghhh, i dont want! Dulu kata boleh ulang alik, now tetiba jumpa weekend je. Memang lah kesian kalau dia ulang-alik PJ-PD, tapi taknak lah kena tinggal. Apa je beza dengan sekarang. Buat apa kawin macam tu. Geram aku. But, its okay. We'll discuss further about this lepas Man habis kursus nanti.

Hmm, rasanya tu je lah kot coretan untuk kali ni. jaga diri everyone. Stay safe!

Thank you for your time :)

Annoying but cannot resist.

 Hi, there! I'm back again with another story hikhikhik. Aku nak cerita, tapi aku lupa aku nak cerita apa. Cerita yang mana satu.

Oh ya, i did mention i like old, tall, dark, macho, left handed guy kan. But, the thing is Man is yes old. Yes taller than me *but not much tall pun* Yes, left handed. But, he's not dark and macho. He's got fair skin and baby face. Even my mom thought he's about the same age as mine eventho he's older than me.

I wonder how come he's sooo macho before he joined army? I mean, he's quite dark skin back then when he's still civillian. But after he joined army, he transform to a cute guy. How come like that. He's getting fairer as he growing old. Why so reversed one?

Oh yaa, he start getting daring yee nowadays. He's been using my photo as his DP for few days dah. Wow, daring sangat ye. Memula i did tegur lah. Then i lantak-kan je lah. Nanti lah baru pura-pura perasan hahahaha. And yesterday when he on call with me, suddenly his in-charge notice my name on the screen and he seems no shame ye calling my name. I felt bit overwhelmed lah. Kih.



He always ignore me. I mean it yaa when i say him ignoring me. He always bluetick me k and not reply me. Jannah agak menyirap ye di situ. Then when i talk to him and story something, he'll just no response or give response that i wanted. Not really sincere in my point of view. Annoying ye, but i keep craving him. Faham tak. Is this what it called 'love'? Duhh bencinyaa~

We dont really have things to talk to. Its basically a normal conversation. Then i wonder how we survive ehh? lol. To be honest, i am not ready for the next step. I am trying right now. I try to open up my heart for him. 

Oh anyway, Fizal did contact me again yaa saying he missing me. I wonder what happen in his life. I felt sorry for him, but he really need to know his stand. Hopefully he can go out from his problem. He's a good guy, for real. He's being the guy i used to admire and crush before. But you know, life is so unpredictable. Who know, i used to have a crush on him and he also have the same feeling to me. We just meet at the wrong time. We are having different timeline. I did have thought if i end up marrying Fizal, will he be happy since he keep longing and missing me now. Well, the damage already been done. So, just go with the flow. 

Praying that our future endeavors or path will go as we planned. Praying the best to all my friends as well. Be happy in your life. Try to get up when life try to bring you down. Try looking for things that can keep us on track



Thank you for your time :)

Nak kahwin ke taknak?

 

Hi, good evening! I'm back again with new story hikhikhik. 

My dad jenis tak bagi i go anywhere alone. But, kalau ikut hati dan perasan ni, i okay je kalau nak holiday or go trip alone. Ambil experience lah katanya. But my dad strictly dont allow me to do so. He say its too dangerous. And anyhow i need to obey him lah since he's my dad. Walaupun hatiku memberontak untuk berbuat sebaliknya.

Recently i really really really need to go trip. I already lock few places that i wanted. But, i have no friend to ajak. SInce my girlfriends is not into that somemore they married d and they not into the same thing i want to.

And there comes the thought that i should get married and i can go anywhere with my husband and i no need to think with whom should i go trip with. At that moment, i really consider to get married ya. What the... Nonsense gila kahwin sebab nak ada kawan trip coz i know my dad wont allow me go alone.

Then, i did told Man bout that hahahaha. In joking mood obviously la weh! 

Because all this while when Man asked me i always told him i'm still baby and still young. So, when i me myself come out with that sentence obviously he need to make sure. But after i say that sentence, i did felt regret a bit hahahaha. Then i just told him we think again next year la. Next year hopefully ready lah kot. 

Then i told him i did like one date next year which is 4.3.21 hahahah seems like countdown, but yeah. I like that date. But i seems so sudden for me lah. Too early. Takuttt huhuhu. But nevermind. I got other date as well which is 21.5.21 hikhikhik. It is in my birthday month and it is after raya i think. So, at least okay lah. Got time to melagha. But, tu lah. Aku sorang beriya tak jadi gak kan. Aku pun takut nak kahwin. Jammed! Kalau tanya Man, dia okay je bebila. 

Now, dia ulang alik PD-KL sebab involve dengan class kat Kem Sg Besi. Wonder mesti dia penat. But, if dia kahwin dengan aku nanti macam tu lah life dia. Why he want to trouble himself when he very free and easy now kan.

It's okay. We will discuss it further once we both already agree to tie the knot. Just pray the best for us yaa. Slowly i start to open myself to him. Hopefully, he's the one for me. I kinda obsess with him d. Ni yang menyampah ni. I dont like myself being like this :(


Thank you for your time :)

Tiada Tajuk

 

Hello everyone! Yesterday Man come to my place for dinner. He came quite early k. Aku pun tak balik kerja lagi, dia dah gerak mai my place. And kebetulan semalam aku balik lambat, ada discussion pulak last minute. Waktu dia sampai tu pun, aku belum keluar office lagi. 

Dah nama kerja unit beruniform kan, semua benda pun nak cepat dan on time. Gasak lah kau menunggu aku. Siapa suruh last minute. Kalau bagi tahu one day earlier, at least i can manage my time eventho sometimes when you wanna go back tu lah, tetiba ada orang cari.

Then dah sampai tempat makan tu, jannah macam biasalah makan macam bercinta. I'm really slow eater k. Jenis tak boleh makan cecepat. Just imagine, i'm just one third of my portion but Man's friend finish his food d and Man still left some. They said, they controlled their speed d hahahaha. Penat control makan slow. Tu habis slow dah for their pace. I just finish one third of my food je okay!

So disebabkan rasa guilty takut dorang tunggu lama since aku belum habis makan, tapi air dorang dua cawan pun dah habis tinggal dok ratah ais je lol. I offer to balik. Then Man kata lah nak tengok kereta cause last Tuesday, i got into accident. So he wanna check whether my car kemek or what not. Actually dia saje je k nak spent time dengan ittew. Pastu siap offer nak keluarkan kereta dari parking sebab kata parking spot to sempit, kena orang pro keluarkan. Cehh-cehh-cehh. Ngade-ngade.

After that i go back home. Reached my house, then he called nak satay or not. He tapawkan for me. The thing is kedai satay tu depan kedai makan kitorang makan tadi je. Nampak tak, banyak alasan dia cari ehh. Hahahaha lucky aku memang dah lama nak makan satay, so okay lah. Beli lah, tapawkan lah. Kasi chance. Then dia kata tak puas jumpa. Kejap sangat. Tu yang saja cari alasan.

Me: Nasib baik ada satay. Kalau takde satay tu, nak buat alasan apa?

Him: Buat je lah alasan pape. Air mineral ke chocolate ke pape je lah. Asalkan dapat jumpa

Then dia kata takde selfie pun hari ni sebab aku macam tak beriye nak selfie. So, dia taknak lah. Dia nak selfie time kita tengah tutup purse lah tengah gelak lah. Waktu duduk elok kat meja, toksey pulak nak selfie. Perangai sangat taw orang tua ni. Ish laa. 

So far, okay lah. But the thing is kan why i dont feel butterfly eh when i'm with him. I don't like him ke or i just like him because of his skill? Hmm aku confuse dengan diri sendiri ni. HELP! Huhuhu


Thank you for your time :)

Malu tak?

 

Hello gais. Long time no see. Hikhikhik. Sorry lah busy ada life lately. Hahahahah.

This week Man ada training kat Shah Alam for one week. Then yesterday dia cerita lah, officemate dia ada nak guna PC dia kat office and kebetulan his Whatsapp Web still log in on that PC. And kebetulan jugak last night dia ada sent me a photo with cool fever since he got sick. So his friend screencap that photo and my photo that wish morning to him and forward those photo to their office group whatsapp!

Hahahahahaha jenuh lah kena nganjing dengan member. Man kata, dah lah dalam kelas, tak boleh nak focus. He thought that i leak the photo to his friends. Then he remembered he didnt log out his Whatsapp on his PC.

Lucky group officemate je. Kalau group whole department lagi jenuh. Kang dia garang-garang dengan student dia kang, pastu mesti ada bahan 'Garangnya! Dengan Jannah kemain lembut mengada lagi cakap ye'. Hahahahhaa funny la wehhh. 

After this when he go back to his camp, mesti kena bahan lagi tu. Dia okay je, tak kisah dia kata. Lucky gambar aku bagi yang latest tu senonoh sikit, cuma poyo je lah aca-aca lawa sebab pakai filter hahahahhaha. Gasaklah kau nokk.

Just nak cerita tu je sebab actually aku pun malu gak sebab ada muka aku. Hahahahha cuma wonder how depth his friend baca the chat. If he go through the chat right, he can notice Man is the clingy one :D


Thank you for your time :)

Pray the best


Hello, happy Friday! Here am i again for another write up. This year, i'm quite active in blogging yaa. Maybe i have no one to talk to kot since Bob pun kahwin dah. So, cian takde siapa nak layan hukhukhuk.

Last night, Man asked me if i got dream anything ke. Surprisingly yes i do having a dream. I am very seldom got dream k and yet he teka dengan betulnya. Power siyot! The funny things is i dream about my bike got punctured tyre when i riding on it and i pump the tyre using clown punya balloon pump. Hahahha funny is it? How random my dream is.

But actually, he wanna tell me that he dream about us last night. What (?) 

Man: Malu lah nak cerita. Tapi Man mimpi kita kahwin
Me: Hmm tapi kan Man, selalunya akan jadi sebaliknya from the mimpi
Man: Mana ada, tak jugak. Sometimes bila kita buat istikharah, tu kan as petunjuk. Bukan dalam mimpi je. Maybe bila kita senang dengan dia, rasa selesa. Tu pun kira as petunjuk.
Me: Ye lah, tu kalau buat istikharah. Macam Jannah takde buat, so tetiba mimpi tu. Sebaliknya lah jadi. Man buat ke istikharah?
Man: Rahsia lah, mana boleh bagitahu. Jannah takyah buat. Follow je apa jadi nanti. Tapi tak puas lah mimpi tu. Jenuh Man nak sambung mimpi tu balik. Dok terjaga tetengah malam, kawan kejut. Man nak tengok macam mana boleh kahwin. Mana fasa bercinta. Macam mana Jannah yang keras kepala ni setuju nak kahwin dengan Man.
Me: Hahahaha so, Man menyesal ke sebab Jannah keras kepala?
Man: Tak la. Nak tahu je macam mana

So conclusion nya, he did do some istikharah huhuh. Because i did asked him to come over my house this Raya Haji, but he seems reluctant. Then, i tawar hati for a while. Why he dont wanna come. Is he player or what. Then he did mentioned, he wanna wait until i really have feeling for him then he will come over. Cehh, coward! Nak kumpul semangat lah tu. Then lantak kau lah Man. Dengan aku, kemain manis mulut. Bila ajak jumpa parent, cuak. Funny loo.

What i can do now is, i'm the one who need to say yes, i want you for him to make the next move. And he always want me to text him first which i'm not that person. Eeeee, menyampah taw ittew. Perangai mengada mengalahkan perempuan ye. Sabar je lah aku. With him, i've done quite number of thing that i didnt do to other guys. Impressive how can i be this different. Wow Jannah wow~

Thank you for your time :)

What is the best option?


Hello! Jannah here. Remember tak previously i did mention Man beli rumah kat Perlis? And i've been contemplating because of that. Hahahahahah. Saya macam sudah nampak sinar cahaya ye tuan-tuan dan puan-puan 😁

Yesterday we macam sembang serious topic lah. Sebenarnya aku nak pancing dia nak pujuk dia beli rumah area KL/Selangor ni. But at the same time i also did plan to buy one.

Me: Kalau banyak tu, Jannah dah beli rumah dah lah Man
Him: Kenapa Jannah nak beli rumah? Jannah taknak duduk rumah Man ke?
Me: Rumah Man kat mana?
Him: Kat Perlis tu lah.
Me: Oh, taknak! Jannah nak duduk KL. So, jannah nak beli rumah kat area sini
Him: Taknak duduk kampung ke? Tak sayang Man ke?
Me: Taknak! Kalau balik weekend, can lah. Tapi Jannah membesar kat sini and nak terus stay sini. Hmmm kalau Man beli rumah kat sini baru Jannah sayang Man sangat-sangat-sangat-sangat
Him: Macam tu pun boleh ehh
Me: Mesti lah boleh. So, Man nak Jannah sayang tak? Beli rumah kat sini eh?
Him: Hmmmm second house nanti lah Man beli area situ

*Me dalam hati hikhikhikhik ye ada nampak sinar harapan*

So kesimpulannya, saya tak perlu nak risau sangat lah kan. Dia masih boleh dicucuk dengan lebih halus lagi. Benda ni kena buat secara halus yaa. Hahahahha happynya saya hukhukhuk 

And yesterday jugak dia suddenly ajak aku balik kampung dia (?) Uhuk! Tacoodddd huhuhuh. Aku pun belum bawak dia jumpa parents aku lagi lol. Ibu pun ada tanya hari tu, takde bawak Man datang raya ke & dia pun kata kenapa tak ajak dia datang raya rumah. Masalahnya dia pun balik kampung lama hari tu and aku pun baru je balik last week after CMCO. Nanti lah. Raya haji lah hahahahaha kalau aku nak bawak dia balik. Depends mood aku and sama ada dia berani nak datang ke idok~

Maybe i just give up and give in dengan Man ni. Toksah lah banyak fikir lagi. Kerja dah tetap dah, perangai so far okay lah, hmm apa lagi ehh? Just aku macam tak biasa lah dengan broken family ni. Rasa macam penat je nak bahagi masa for both family. Hmmmm sheramnyaa. Sokay lah. We'll see how. Taknak harap lelebih. If he meant for me, make it easy for us lah kan. Thats all.

Thank you for your time :)

Penangan CMCO


Hello there! Here am i again writing new post. I quite active on writing this year yaa. Am i toooo bored? LOL

Im writing here because just wanna keep track here that i really overspent during thing CMCO. I borong a  lots of perfume since they really cheap and having sale. I bought three (3) perfumes in total. 

And i did bought other things as well. You know my total spending during this CMCO period is around RM1,000 yaaa. Next month i really cannot do any shopping! I need to hold myself. Because i need to do the service and roadtax renewal.

Jannah tolonglah berjimat cermat yee. Banyak sangat dah merepek. Sekarang kena amalkan sifat berjimat cermat. Keluar duit bila perlu. Shopping bila perlu je. Faham tak Nurul Jannah Binti Yusri?!?!

Jangan sampai kena azan kat sebelah telinga. Dengan keadaan ekonomi sekarang yang tak berapa menentu. Tah-tah anytime je boleh kena retrench :( So, please think before buy k after this.

Sekian.
Thank you for your time :)

ALHAMDULILLAH...


Assalamualaikum gaiss! Im sooo happy yesterday. Not that kind happy, but i feel like finally one of my dream lah. 26 years old living, this year i manage to khatam Quran during Ramadhan. How bless am i. Every year im hoping that i can khatam during Ramadhan but didnt manage to. But this year, i manage to khatam. Untick one of my wishlist heheheh. Few more to go!

I cannot raya with family this year, but i manage to khatam Quran. So Allah is the best planner! He know what best for us. Maybe if this COVID-19 didnt occur, i can raya with family. But i still cannot khatam Quran. So, thats the good side that i can think off to soothe myself at this moment. Actually, i dont feel that sad lah at this moment. But dont know lah what will happen on 1st Syawal kan hikhikhik.

It's okay lah. Just think the good vibe only. So that, you'll bit calm. Hahahahah matured nya jannah. Well, i'm 26 okay next week. Past the young age d hahahaha. Dont know nak happy ke sedih ke excited lol. Age is just a number. What important is i look young~ Alhamdulillah (masuk bakul, angkat sendiri) I should be thankful that i have a sweet face hukhukhuk k bai.

Thank you for your time :)

Permit Going Back KL


Hello! Last Sunday i went to Balai Polis Tanjung Minyak to get permit to go back KL since need to resume back working at the office. At first the officer wanna reject my letter since Jeanie didnt specialized that email just for me. And my backup letter very simple. I need to re-write the letter.

Police A: pi mintak A4 kat depan. Buat baru
Police B: just tambah kat sini je. Takyah buat baru. Pi depan, tambah

I end up followed Police B since imma lazy person kan. Hahahaha. But kena told off dengan Police A since he want the new one. And of course lah i vent out to Police B since he ask me to just do on the current paper but he just 'what? I dont know' So jahat!

Then i need to write the whole letter by hand! Last time i wrote long letter was nine years back during high school. How fast time flies kan~ With the buruk punya handwritten, i dont care anymore. But like seriously, my handwriting buruk gila. Malu sungguh nak bagi orang baca. But sokay lah, thats how my writing.

During the process, the police keep on joking and playing with me and kiddingly asked to give my number to one of the police there. Then i go back inside again checking my letter for approval with Police A. 


Police A: Letter ni tak lengkap. What if i rejected this?

Me: lagi bagus. Haa, reject lah heheheheh

Police A: *shocked* Saya choped sini application denied then awak tak boleh balik.
Me: Hahahhahaha. Please lah reject! Tak payah lah saya balik KL. Saya nak raya sini

Police A: Haha. Awak ni dah kenapa? Orang lain semua sibuk nak balik, awak taknak balik. Hafiz, kau tengok budak ni piz! Dia taknak balik. Dia suruh aku reject surat dia

Police B: awak dah kenapa? Awak nak ngelat eh taknak buat kerja? Ke work from home?

Me: No, saya tak ngelat pun. Saya still kena buat kerja. Tapi work from home. Saya taknak balik bukan sebab taknak buat kerja. Saya taknak raya sensorang je. Dah balik sana nanti, dah tak boleh balik sini. Saya taknak raya sensorang :(

Police B: Ha memang lah tak boleh balik raya. Unless awak kawin dengan polis. Boleh lah balik raya. Tu depan tu ada sorang bujang tu

Police A: So ni awak nak balik bila ni? 7hb ke 8hb

Me: Bagi lah paling lambat. Kalau boleh balik 11hb pun boleh jugak

Police A: 8hb lah ye? Kang lelama takut bos awak suspicious pulak. Kalau awak kena buang kerja macam mana.

Me: Hmm, 8hb pun 8hb la :(

Police B: nak balik nanti bagitahu eh. Nanti kitorang escort

So far, im happy lah. Takde lah takut sangat since dorang pun friendly. Cuma little did i hope yang that guy text me hahahahaha Ya Ampun gedik nya perangai. Sebab that guy manis weh huhuhuh. Tinggi, kulit gelap dari i. Memang taste i huhuhuh. Nampak tak miang aku cane lol 

So conclusionnya, i kena balik KL, start kerja next week and kena raya sensorang. Not sensorang lah. Ada Kema jugak untuk raya. But she got her uncle and aunty here. So, lucky for her. Sad for me :( Sokay lah. Life is not like we always want. They might be some onak dan duri in the journey heheheheh So i'm okay with that. Chaiyook! Jannah dah besar kan? Jannah kena kuatkan hati. Yakin boleh! Eventho mesti sebak punya. Tengah type ni pun sebak dada aku hahahahhaa. Okay, adios~
Thank you for your time :)

Confuse


Hello guys! Here am i again. Ranting about my feeling as usual. Hmmm yesterday (22nd April 2020) i block Man on whatsapp because he cabar me hahahhaha. Yesterday i keep doing whatever he cabar me to. And i dont know why yesterday he a bit different. He didnt tell me how his day like he always did before. But he say i'm the one who act differently. 

Hahahha yaaa in a way. I send him voice note saying i miss him coz he request that and the way he laughed after that like he damn happy hahaha. And i keep on end call coz he thought i dont dare to do that. He said 'before this yes lah berani. But now mesti tak berani'. Then i call off the call. Then he text me saying he merajuk, then in short while i call him back saying i'm having fun doing this. Which is not in my norm that i will act like that before k. Maybe i'm showing him sign that i like him(?) i dont know.

So after i block him, today he message me Ramadhan wish and i did reply. BUT he didnt reply me yet 😞 How dare he didnt reply me? Now i felt sad. It's okay, see tonight he call me or not. If he's not calling me than i know lah where's my level 😒 

Actually, i also wanna check what is my feeling actually. I dont know whether i'm lonely and i layan him to cover my boredom OR i already start to like him. How can i differentiate those two? I dont know. Did i like him? Can i accept him? He say need to try to figure out whether both compatible or not. But, i scared let say we're not compatible but i feel attached to him d. So how? I scared to be heart broken again and again and again. Tired lah

So, at the end dont know lah. My plan see whether how long should i block him. Did i feel something. If i feel something, then i just confess to him je lah. But, did he felt the same way? Scared lah. All this while, yes his way seems like that. But who know, boy always be boy. He treat all equally. Hmmmm what happen leh. I dont know anymore. Bencilah nak kena fikir macam ni.

Tired d. Before this i already firm with my decision that i wanna be andartu. But, people keep coming try to prove me wrong then make me shaking like that, then ghost~ Shit lahh. Penat tahu! Ya Allah, help me. I pray again this time like how i pray before for Fizal and Amsyar. And i will patiently waiting for the result. And i need to be ready for whatever outcome that will lay in front of me. Ya Allah, give me some mercy. Please ease my mind. 

Thank you for your time :)

Bunga-Bunga


Last night i dont know why out of sudden Fizal text me?!?! Yaaa, aku lah kot salahnya. Aku saje je dok tegur dia kat telegram. Ingat habis situ je lah. Then aku ada lah like video post dia. Its just normal thing right? But Man said, sometimes even like post means something for someone. We never know kan.

Since RMO ni, almost every night akan on the phone dengan Man. Man kata dia call sebab senang dia nak lena. My voice as his lullaby. At first, bit mad lah. Kita nak sembang, tapi dia nak tidur tapi tak bagi letak until dia bebetul tak reply. Duhh! But, lelama tu macam hmm okay je lahh. Redha je lah kena tinggal sokmo.

This week he like missing his ex-fiancee coz he told me one video that he watched before about this guy prank his gf. Then he said his ex-fiance also like that girl. Cheating behind him & he scared because of his ex, he cannot act like he behave before. Kesian dekat orang yang pernah disakiti ni hikhikhik.

Okay, back to Fizal text me yesterday night at 02:30 am k! Early morning he text me for what? Ikut hati, i really wanna reply him back. I tell you i really wanna reply him. I kinda longing for him. Then i saw his DP (photo of him and his wife smiling happily). So i abort my mission and just bluetick him. But still keep checking on that message 😔 But i manage to resist all the tempation. Bravo for me!

Fizal text me right after i finish on the phone with Man. Then pop up his name on my notification. I doubt my eye at first. Im happy for a while but confuse at the same time. Then i straight away call Man again even tho i know he sleep oredi. But, he pick up my call hehehehehe then i told him those thing. Then he say no need to end call just left it there until morning. In case if Fizal wanna call me, he couldnt get it thru since i still on call huhuhuhuhuh. His small gesture moved me a bit terharu taw ittew. Nyampah lah kat Man ni. But i do hope Fizal call me jugak coz i miss his voice. K thats rude! Sorry. Told Man impossible he will call me at that hour. Wife dia ada kot. Gila apa. But he insist nak stay on the phone je. Kesian kat dia. Aku dok layan drama. Kekadang ada lah bebel lah marah lah gelak la. Dia tidur mesti tak lena dok dengar bunyi macam-macam tu. Kekadang dia nyampuk lah sikit. Dah habis layan dram nak letak gak, tetiba dia nyampuk kata biar je, nanti dia bangun sahur dia letak. At least dia boleh teman aku sampai aku tidur since all this while i always kata dia tinggal aku. So today dia nak teman till i tidur. But, i end up end the call accidently hahahahaha. The end.

By the way, i call Man balik sebab i know he cuti tomorrow k. He just finished his 24 hours duty. Tu yang i call balik even rasa guilty kacau dia but i need to let him know this story. Malam tadi first time dia tidur tak lena hahahahaha. Tu pagi tadi dia call me back coz he wanna sleep. So after he listen to my voice, then he go back sleep. Kinda weird feeling, but sokay laa. Already get used to it.

So conclusionnya, will Fizal text me again today? Hmm. I dont mind if he wanna have a normal chit chat. Text me at normal hour, not like 1 or 2 am. Gila apa! Dont make me like mistress. I'm not that low. If you approach me correctly, i will respond. I hate that you think me that low. So sad, coz you're someone that i used to adore. But, this is how the ending for us looks like.

Thank you for your time :)

Hehehehe


I dah berbunga-bunga dengan Man ni. Aku dah suka dia ke? Hmmm Every night mesti on the phone. Ke sebab macam hmm layan je lah since he's the only one yang aku ada? Tapi dia pun tak berani nak move next step. Dia tunggu aku cakap. Tapi, aku tak berani nak move forward.

Tapi aku takut jugak in case he's gone canee? Sedih lah hidup aku. Asyik kena dumped je. Sob sob sob hahahahahaha. Tapi aku tak berani nak buat keputusan besar ni. Let say our path tak cross, cane? Sedih laa. 

Basically, kitorang ni dok main tarik-tarik tali hahahahah. Man pun kata nak kenal-kenal dulu. So kami in learning process lah. Let see after RMO ni cane. Maybe time raya, nak ajak dia datang rumah jumpa family. Kalau lah time raya nanti RMO ni dah settle.

Tapi donno lah. Kalau lah dia nak kan. Dia pun macam takut-takut hahhahaha. Okay lah. Nak cerita tu je sebab i tengah berbunga sebab dia. Haihhh, nyampah taww lol
Thank you for your time :)

Should I?


I've been contemplating this few days. So many question inside my head. Should i try give Man chance? Should i accept him? Can i accept him? Should i just end up with him?

We both from different region. I'm from South. He's from North. I'm working in PJ. He's working at PD. I think toooooo much actually eventho my friend say that just small matter only.

So after so long, yesterday i try asked him few question. And i kinda shock to be honest hahahahah. He always act and speak differently from what i imagine. Betul lah bob kata, aku je yang suka overthinking. Here's few questions that i always have in my mind and his reply.

Man duduk jauh. Utara Selatan jauh k. Taknak duduk dalam kereta lelama bila nak balik kampung.
Flight kan ada. Kejap je sampai. Small matter lah.
*hekelehh. Iye lah sangat kan

Kita kerja tempat lelain. So sama je kahwin ke tak.
Takpelah. Man ulang alik la. Dah ada bini, takkan nak tinggal. Tapi kena faham lah, sometimes kerja Man kena stay.
*this point, i kinda shock! Coz i tot he will mention pjj, but nahh. He really willing to ulang alik PD-PJ. Like whutt? You win me at this point coz never cross my mind that i tot ulang alik coz it's damn tiring wehhhh hahahahha

Means jannah boleh kerja lah lepas kahwin? If jannah malas nak kerja dah, jannah nak berhenti takpe ke?
In this economy, okay je if jannah nak kerja. Man tak larang pun. Tapi in case jannah nak berhenti pun, Man tak kisah. Baguslah duduk rumah jadi suri rumah. Dapat pahala. Tapi takde lah nak shopping, jenjalan selalu. Kena faham lah sebab Man pun bukan macam drama petang kat tv tu.
*i was WOW man. For real la? Hahahah but i think i will kerja je lah after kahwin since bukan pjj pun. Dia dok ulang alik kan. Kalau tak kerja kang, kena pi BAKAT. Memang toksey lah aku. One way to get excuse hikhikhik

Jannah tak ready lagi. Jannah banyak benda tak tahu. So jannah tak berani
Nak takut apa. Benda tu semua boleh belajar slow-slow. Semua orang pun belajar jugak.
*i think aku je yang tak rela nak let go lifestyle bujang aku ni hahahahahha

Kemain ajak kawin. Duit dah cukup ke? Ingat kawin ni pakai duit monopoly ke?
Hekelehh. Cakap elok sikit. Jannah cakap dengan Man pasal duit? Duit? Dah ada lama dah lah duit. Tinggal nak kawin je la. Bila je jannah nak? Bagitahu je. 
*opss. Aku lupa pulak yang dia pernah putus tunang dulu. So duit nak kawin dulu tu still ada lagi hahahahah mati kutu aku tak tahu nak cakap apa

So from all point given above, i can foresee what i should do. I think maybe i can reconsider him to topup two point that i already like about him. Lucky he's older than me and he's left handed. I loike! Tapi how nak cakap k lah aku kasi chance kat dia kenl hati budi memasing. Tapi taknak kahwin tahun ni. Aku kata tunggu aku 27 dulu and he keep asking lewat dah wehh. Hello, next year je pun aku 27. Gelojohnya tak buat-buat ya

Tapi ..... ada satu point yang dia taknak mengalah dengan aku. 

He's currently in the process to buy house. BUT he wanna buy house in Perlis :( Oh mannn. I dowan this. Ada lah jugak cakap dia, kenapa taknak beli kat area kl or nearby kl ke. Aku nak shopping :( Amende aku nak buat kat Perlis tu wehhhh? Yes, memang lah aku suka Perlis sebab dia cantik. Holiday, yes can. But to stay there forever like nooooooo :'( 

But come to think about it, should be okay lah kan. Dia maybe service until 26 or maybe longer ke depends. By that time, i think tua dah then should be okay la kan? In the mean time, maybe aku sendiri boleh beli rumah area kl ni kan? Mana tahu rezeki in future. And mana tahu kot-kot aku bodek, dia cair ke huhuhhuhu

So conclusionnya, how aku nak cakap 'okay Man. Let's do this. Let's we try our path cross or not' since dia memalu. Kwanjaq lah ongtua ni. Aku je kena daring. Bila aku suruh dia kejar aku 'betul eh nak Man kejar?' and i suddenly chicken 'hmmm nanti lah. Fikir dulu' Hahahahhahaha whats wrong with me tahh

Jadi benarlah seketul jannah itu begitu complicated hahahahaha. I should try open up my heart first. Or am i tooo lonely and bored with current situation? Am i really like him? I also wonder


Thank you for your time :)

Finally, good bye for real


He delete our message. Since today he's going back Melaka. Or maybe today he really make up his mind. We chat thru Telegram and you know Telegram got option delete for both party and i bet he pick that. 

I dont always check his chat. It just he chat me last few days saying thanks for always be with him thru his up & down and take care in this COVID-19 situation. 

He delete the chat k! Like for real ahhh? You really do until that extent? Hmm k understand. But, sometimes i longing for those chat. There's time i'm missing how you take care of me before. I felt comfort in those message. And now, they gone. Hahahahahha k

I dont know if i got feeling on you or what. But for these past year i used to be by your side and suddenly this happen, i feel shocked! I mad at you coz like for real you move on real quick! I wanna ask you those thing, but sokay lah. Life must go on.

And today you chat me via Whatsapp asking something and out of nowhere i happen to bebel few things and you:


How come you can say like that! I hate when you say like that. SHIT, I HATE SO MUCH! Kau memang takde perasaan ke weh? Or kau ingat aku strong enuf to handle this thing since i dont love you yet. But tolol, aku ada perasaan k. I've been with you for few years of coz the feels is still there! Bongok!

Yes, i pretend to be strong but deep inside i'm fragile. Aduh penat lah fefeeling dengan orang macam ni. Really not worth my time. Ye lahh. Aku yang salah. Aku yang complicated. Penat ahh jadi complicated cemni. Ngade-ngade ahh kau jannah. Now, mendapat lah kau. 

Now dah nangis sikit tadi, should be okay lah. Dah dah, takyah nangis bebanyak. Dunia nak kiamat dah. Fikir hal sendiri je lah. Man still ada. Tapi tu lah dengan orang tua ni boring sikit hahahah. Sometimes dia okay, sometimes entah. Gasak lah labu. Whatever je lah.

Actually today is Day-6 RMO, covid-19. Kerja aku sikit je gerak. Exam tak buat lagi. Learning skill pun belum develop lagi. Takde mood lagi nak buat koje wehh. Tepu duduk rumah. 

Semoga all this virus gone. Takmo lah quarantine lelama. Semoga dapat dikawal lah. Dengan perangai Malaysian yang Nauzubillah degilnya tak bisa dibawa bincang. Jangan sampai jadi macam Italy yang memang dah totally give up.

Kesiankan lah frontliner yang bertungkus lumus kerja nak bendung benda ni. AKu ni dok risau lah kat Man kot-kot dia kena keluar jugak time gini. Sekali tengok dok makan elok je. Haihh, nama tak naik lah tu. Penat je risau kan dia. Menyampah. Dah lah orang tengah risau pasal corona ni, dia boleh dok cakap benda lain 🙄 Sabar je lah aku dengan kau Man.
Thank you for your time :)

Cringeworthy


Me and Man rarely contact each other. But, he will call me once in a while. Recently i kinda rindu him (?) Hahahahahahahahahaha. Rindu as in nak sembang since lone ranger kan sekarang ni takde sape nak sembang dah huhu. So waktu balik kerja yesterday i macam terdetik 'hmm macam rindu Man. Man taknak call ke ehh?' 

Guess what? Hahahahaha that night he call me lol. Memang like everytime terdetik macam tu, dia mesti call. Dia boleh baca aku ke apa? At one point aku terfikir, ni petanda ke untuk aku terima dia or ni just kebetulan je.

Him: Buat apa tu?
Me: Baru lepas iron baju
Him: Laaa, kesian dia. Kalau kahwin dengan Man, man tolong ironkan semua baju jannah taw
Me: iyeee?
Him: Haa lah. So bile nak kawin?
Me: Hahahhaha bile man nak bagi jannah jeep?
Him: Macam tu lambat lagi lah citenya.
Me: Ada apa ni call?
Him: Hmm rindu kot. Nak tanya khabar jannah sihat ke tak?
Me: hahahah sihat je. Man sihat tak?
Him: Uihh terus sihat ni Alhamdulillah. Nak tanya tu je. Man nak sambung buat kerja ni taw. Nanti Man call balik ehh. Babai

I'm not the type who will put effort on asking question and pay attention to others; in this case (boys). That's why he happy every time i asked him something even tho sometimes dia yang akan cakap 'taknak tanya Man jugak ke?'.

I donno i want him because i'm super bored currently or i already open my heart to get in depth for him. Not sure yet. Just wait lah. I scared d. In the mean time, i still hating that guy. Hahahaha funny why i hate him so much. Pffttt. I think kan, selagi i'm hating him, selagi tu lah i still feel the pain. I keep on hoping he does not last long with her gf lol. Jahat sia aku. 

Apa tah aku nak sebenarnya. Aku nak semua orang nak aku & aku tak pilih sesiapa pun lol. Now okay lah. Dah takyah buat keputusan dah. Ada sorang je. Tu je lah choice aku ada. Take it or leave it lah kan. Dulu ye lah nak kena pilih. Sekarang dah senang kerja sikit hahahahaha. Tak payah nak kecikkan hati anyone kan. Hahaha

Thank you for your time :)

Hate


I do sceptical on people's promises. And i tend not to trust the promise. Because once you already made a promise, i tend to hold for that and i will hate you if you dont fulfill the promise.

You insisted you different from other. I told you already dont make any promises because i know it would never happen. But you want to prove me that you can and you're not like other guy that i know. Then, up to you la. I'm not trusting you, but i do accept your promise.

And the things happen and i told you i'm not even sure my feeling towards you. I'm comfortable having you around me. I got someone to talk to. You surprise me on my birthday. You give me flower that i like. But i dont want to settle down with you. You said you willing to wait  until i become someone's wife. You will try your best to get me even i told you, you no need to do until that extent coz i will feel like i'm the villain.

But you know, promises are meant to be broken. That's what they are made for. You told me you scared. You can't continue any further. You scared if you care for too long, you'll hurt coz you say once you start love me, you cannot stop. While me not even have any feeling towards you. You say you better jaga batas and not over the line. I gladly help you to do so but you mad at me and questioned why i'm different. It's upon your request. I help you not to get further feeling towards me anymore. Yet you get upset about that.

After few month, i think maybe around two month (?) we didnt catch up with each other, suddenly i saw you got new girlfriend already. Wow! So sudden! Hahahahahahah. It's funny for me to digest this situation. YOU who are the one did promise NOT to leave me, GOT NEW girlfriend. Hahahahah. LOL New year, new life, new girlfriend i think. 

I'm not mad you got new girlfriend. It's your life. But i hate you for the promises you made to me before. I dont want that promises BUT YOU INSISTED to prove that you're different. I hate you for that. I told you already, i hate you for that. And you play victim when you quote that it's seems like i'm the one who left you. Hahahahaha. I told you i dont have any feeling for you at the first place. Yet, you want to try. Now with all those promises left behind, i'm the one to blame. K hahahahahaha

Once gone, forever gone. I dont want you to interfere in my life anymore. I wont block you or mute you eventho i want to do that badly. But, no need to that extent. It's just i hate you and i cannot stand you anymore. Too bad your mom's tupperware and your shoes that you asked me to buy before still with me. How can i pass to you when i dont even want to meet you. Will wait you coming back KL and see how. Maybe i just drop the thing in front your house. 

I dont like to go through this phase. I dont have deep feeling for him, yet i hated him. If he didnt make any promises back then, i'll play cool. But too bad its vice versa. Just hoping the best lah. I'm sorry for the thing i've done before and thank you for all the attention, care, time, money you spent on me.  

I should not let my guard down. This thing will always happen. Makes me really give up on marriage eventho Man always asked me for marriage. But i asked him to wait me until i reached 27. If he still can wait me, maybe i'll fulfill his request. 

People say, you better marry with people who love you more than you love them. But, it's need to be mutual. You need to have feeling to that person also. Because people is just a human. They get tired eventually! 


Thank you for your time :)
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